Future Perfect

Between the AI apocalypse, climate change, and the inevitable heat death of the universe, it’s sometimes hard to be optimistic about the future. That’s why we like to find the silver lining in everything.

We dusted off our tried and true MaxDiff analysis to find out what events, if any, Americans are most excited for in 2024. After all, maybe we’ll enjoy being ruled by our computer overlords. At least we won’t have to do math anymore.

Whether it’s the commercials or the free concert at halftime, Americans say the Superbowl is the event they are most looking forward to in 2024. Since the Superbowl is in February, it seems the year peaks early for a lot of people. 

Evidently, many Americans are amateur astrologists astronomers, or maybe vampires, because the total solar eclipse is their second most anticipated event. The 2024 presidential election rounds out the top three events Americans are most eager to see on their calendars.

Despite the adaptation hosted by Snoop Dogg and Kelly Clarkson, Americans say they are least excited by Eurovision in 2024. If the organizers are listening, we’d like to suggest letting the US into the next Eurovision to drum up some more interest on this side of the pond. In defense of our inclusion, we likely won’t win but we’ll probably send Taylor Swift.

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Water? I Hardly Know Her

Americans are thirsty for change, traps, and… plain ol’ water. Only 19% of Americans state that they drink the recommended 64 ounces of water a day. A plurality of Americans (43%) who don’t typically consume their eight glasses a day blame their forgetfulness. Taken together, about 35% of Americans forget to drink the foundation of life. It’s almost as if dehydration leads to impaired short-term memory.

Thankfully, the vast majority of those who don’t consume enough water want to drink more (83%). Maybe we could invent some sort of device that makes noises at periodic intervals to remind people to do certain things. Nah, that would never work.

When it comes to water vessels, a majority of Americans (51%) prefer bottled water (submarine wasn’t an option). That’s right, most Americans are either harming their body by not drinking enough water or harming the environment by drinking from single-use bottles.

Perhaps we’re being too harsh. Among those who prefer drinking bottled water, one-fifth state they do not have safe drinking water. Moreover, 39% said their tap water doesn’t taste good, which may further indicate a lack of access to potable water. Please forget our judgmental comments and—if you already forgot—drink some water!

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One Nation, Under Snow

Yet another year when the residents of Hell, Michigan plead for the phrase "when hell freezes over" to be retired. These folks just can't seem to catch a break. Maybe when hell—never mind.

Eighty-eight percent of Americans experienced inclement weather last week as snow, ice, and abnormally cold temperatures battered regions as opposed as Portland, Oregon and Savannah, Georgia. If America was a cheerocracy, we know how we’d win this competition:

That’s a wrap, folks

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About Gradient

In a continuously changing world, intuition isn't enough. To address this, Gradient partners with startups, Fortune 100 brands, consulting firms, and political campaigns who aren’t confident answering strategic and directional questions. Through our partnership we help these organizations achieve objective clarity by providing custom and actionable insights based on statistical rigor. Want to learn more? Visit our website!